Norman Rockwell Sings the X-Mas Blues...

I have this strange obsession, first off, I can’t stand X-mas, but not for the reason you would think, the commercialization of X-mas...When actuality it's Christmas, but that is an entirely different story…I’m talking about my strange obsession with Christmas music, it’s this weird occurrence that happens at this time every year, where the local easy listening radio station decides that it would be a good idea to play holiday music nonstop from the day after Thanksgiving aka: Black Friday, all the way up until the year dies a slow painful death, January 1st.

I dunno when or why it started, but I love Christmas music, it’s the only thing that I really dig during these lean cold months when the world drifts off to sleep and prepares itself for the long and torturous months of January until March…long periods of nothing but recovering from holiday trauma, breaking all the New Year resolutions and harboring resentment for the groundhog that may or may not drop dead of sheer terror if it sees it’s own shadow…but I digress, Christmas music captures the essence of Christmas, what it really means, the holiday is played out, it has been obliterated to the point where if we say Merry Christmas to anyone, it’s more like an insult than a well wish. I mean don’t get me wrong, there are some terrible Christmas songs that I have come across, like the horrid and emotional terrorism song “Christmas Shoes” good God, who ever came up with this tragic ballad really wanted to reach into your chest and pull out your heart and eat it like a baby Jesus cookie! (For those of you not in the know, the “shoes” in question are being bought by a little boy who wants them for his dying mother so that she can look good for Jesus when she goes to meet him later that night) However, there are old standbys that really make Christmas music the addiction that I feed every year. Jazz classics, Nat King Cole’s rendition of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” tops my list of must have Christmas music, and of course, the one album that I’ve had since I was 5 years old and realized how painful X-mas can be and how beautiful as well, A Carpenter’s Christmas or Christmas Portrait. I believe that I have been in love with Karen Carpenter since then and this album shows you exactly how emotionally scarred your memories of Christmas are.

Of course there’s Sinatra, Dino, Burl Ives, and my personal bizarre fave, David Bowie and Bing Crosby singing the Little Drummer Boy, the video is even weirder. Through and through, Christmas music makes it all tolerable and I’m able to cope with the horrors that come with the empty promises that Christmas reinforces, Peace on Earth and Good Will towards your fellow man. Something that shouldn’t be reserved for the end of the year, but should exist all throughout the year, constantly and without want for reward or corroboration of how humble you may appear to be.

So suck on that for awhile, the fact that we are all failing in the Christmas spirit department and only Christmas music can remind us of where we should be and how we should get there…so stay away from the “Christmas Shoes”, and pop in that version of “Frosty the Snowman” by Jimmy Durante, listen to some jazz as the snow falls, cuddle up to the one you love, and go to sleep early because I’m meeting you at the Rescue Mission tomorrow so we can help those that really need to be reminded that there is such a thing as the spirit of giving. As you drive to and from your destination tomorrow, remember that you can do something for your fellow man, not just on Christmas, but everyday. No amount of talking can replace action.

And all of this came from listening to Christmas music…crazy huh?